WANTED: A barber

I've lived in San Francisco for more than 3 years now and it has been a struggle to find a barber. This was a surprise to me because I am picky about almost nothing. I will eat most foods. I will participate in most activities. I will drink most beers. I will talk to most people and well, you get the picture. My overriding life philosophy is to go with the flow, see where it takes me and if I don't like it, jump back into the river. Today I had one of those jump back into the river moments when my barber answered his cell phone while cutting my hair. If he wasn't half way through rocking my wig, I would have walked out.

There are a few things I look for in a barber shop...

1. They have to take a straight edge razor to the back of your neck. This defines a haircut to me. I have been getting my neck straight edged since I was a toddler and there is no feeling like the warm lather of shaving cream followed by the blade whisking the whiskers away. My memories are vivid, they harken me back to the smoke filled barber shops of my childhood. I can still hear the 1950's rock and roll playing on the radio. When I close my eyes see my father and grandfather sifting through the newspaper and talking about the day's events. The razor on the back of my neck is important because it reminds me of a time when my biggest concern was whether or not we were going to get Tony's Donuts after.

2. It can't be a big box barber. Places like Great Clips and Supercuts are okay if you are desperate. I find the service and the haircut mediocre. I can not get over their big brother data bases that store your phone number (I always give them my dad's. Sorry dad!) and address. Plus, they never give you the straight edge service because they rarely if ever employ actual barbers.

3. My barber shop can not remind me of a Hooters restaurant. I really enjoy a good female barber, so that's not the issue. In fact, I go to Clippers just about every time I return to Portland, Maine. There is not one man with scissors in his hands there, but there is at least one barber shop in San Francisco that seems to hire only women who are a little top heavy before handing them a uniform top that is 2 sizes too small. I will not participate in a haircut where you have to wonder where to put the tip afterward. Plus the food at Hooters is terrible and I can't imagine getting my hair cut there.

 4. Lastly and perhaps most importantly. If you are a barber: DO NOT ANSWER YOUR CELL PHONE WHILE CUTTING MY HAIR! Are you an idiot? That is customer service 101. It is incredibly disrespectful and in poor taste. Worse than the food at Hooters.

So for now I will wander the city scape alone in search of another barber.