The Official Pelletier Guide to Naming Babies

I sent the following e-mail to the mother of my very first nephew or niece, who is due in July. Apologies go out to people named Richard, Sylvio/a, Harold, Lucy, Alfonso, or Alceme and anyone else who may lack a sense of humor.

With the start of the next generation of our families just months away, I thought I would put together a helpful guide to find a proper name for your new little bundle of joy...

The Pelletier formula for finding a name is as follows...

1.) Make it simple. My mom (bless her soul) wanted single-syllable names, like Steven or Brian. Ones that couldn't easily be turned into nick names which she saw as inferior versions of actual names (see Steve or Bri).

2.) Look to the past to avoid errors of the future. My mom's brother was named Richard, some people called him "Richie" others called him "Dick". If you name a child Richard, you might as well name him Ass-face because no matter how nice and cute he is people will be thinking "Dick" in the back of their heads.

3.) A name that brings balance with it. My dad's brother was named Sylvio after my Grandfather, they were notorious for two things drinking and smoking. My Dad's sister was named Sylvia, she was a nun who never touched "the sauce" or smoked a cigarette in her entire life. So unless you want your child to be at one extreme or the other stay away from Sylvia/o.

4.) There's no place like home. My mom's name was Dorothy. My grandmother's (her mom's) name was Dorothy. If you had a girl Dorothy might make a fine 1st or middle name. Also the names Tin Man, Scare Crow, and Cowardly Lion do not run in our family, but traditions must start somewhere.

5.) J's that won't fill you up and never let you down. Joseph and Joel are names that have run in our family for centuries (I think that's how old my dad is anyway). His name is Joel, that's also Steven's middle name. Joseph is from my mom's side of the family her dad and oldest brother shared the name and it is my middle name. I say throw everyone for a loop and go with just Joe.

6.) To hell with Harold. We have a cousin named Harold, my mom's uncle was also named Harold. They are both referred to as Harry. It may be cute as a child (see Potter), but as an adult it is downright creepy (see the latest episode of Law and Order).

7.) Lucy is a cousin of ours. I think she tends bars in Portland. Lucy is a terrible girls' name because once she hits puberty and the kids start calling her "loose". If however, Lucy is short for Lucifer, it instantly becomes bad-ass! Buy her a motorcycle and get her a tatoo the day she is born if you go with that one.

8.) My mother's maiden name is Jordan. That might make a really cool name for a boy or a girl. If you choose this name, please don't use the names Varney and Pelletier as a first or middle name as a child with 3 last names will bring about the apocalypse. I think I saw that in a movie one time.

9.) An F for using A's. Alfonso and Alceme (pronounced Al-seem) were names that ran in the Pelletier family generations back and then suddenly and mysteriously they disappeared. I gotta say I'm glad my forefathers put the cement boots on those 2 names.

10.) Brian is best. I know Brian and Brianna are really your top 2 choices. What you might not know is that my name is trademarked so every time the child signs its name it will have to pay me a royalty fee. That could get expensive unless I agree to let you use my name. The good news is I will let you use Brian or Brianna if you make "is the best uncle ever" your child's middle name.

New Facebook Messaging System

Palo Alto based Facebook held a news conference in San Francisco today to announce its new messaging system. CEO Mark Zuckerberg says the new system is designed to combine chat, e-mail, SMS, and Facebook messaging services to produce a less formal and more seamless form of communication.

The new system will allow users to have a Facebook.com e-mail address and will use information from your Facebook friends list to filter messages. Users will be able to read and save threads of important conversations from chat, text messages, e-mail, and Facebook messages all in one place.

CEO Mark Zuckerberg says “this is not an e-mail killer. In fact, e-mail is one component of the new service.“ He expects e-mail to become a less popular as new, easier, and more immediate ways to communicate with friends and family online are developed.

SF Supervisors order Happy Meals to go for good

On Tuesday the San Francisco Board of Supervisors voted 8-3 to place new nutritional standards on food that comes with free toys, like Happy Meals. The ordinance would, outlaw Happy Meals and other fast food kids meals in their current form, within San Francisco limits. Mayor Gavin Newsom has promised to veto the measure, but Supervisors have enough votes to override the veto.

The measure is drawing fire from all over the country from people who don't like to be told what they can eat, or feed their kids. An opinion piece for the Philadelphia Libertarian Examiner has an interesting take. The author went as far as to call the people in charge of the Democratic Party "food fascists". McDonald's website says it serves "food to feel good about".

So what's the big deal? Supervisor and ordinance proposer Eric Mar wrote an op-ed piece for the U-S-A Today. The piece talks about the extreme calorie count found in fast food kids meals. It also says some of the "healthier options" aren't really healthy. He points to high sodium and sugar content as adding to the larger problem of this country's obesity epidemic.

Could the country's growing problem with fat kids be solely placed on the shoulders of Happy Meals? How much responsibility and control do parents have when it comes to controlling their kid's diets? Should the government focus on making healthy food more affordable and available to low income families? Will the new ordinance have any effect on what people feed their kids?

The Raiders: Commitment to a crazed fanbase

The roommates and I rolled out to Oakland this past Sunday to check out a Raiders game. The tickets were cheap and we all thought the level of entertainment would match the face value. I was pleasantly surprised. Before we entered the stadium we saw police officers dragging away 2 Raiders fans in hand cuffs. Security staff at the Coliseum turned away a woman because she was so drunk, her friends had to literally carry her back to the parking lot. After making our way through security we saw people dressed in skeleton masks, some had hard hats with what looked like knife blades attached to the top in a crazy mohawk, and others wore shirts that exclaimed disdain for the day's opponent they read F-U K-C. The negative energy inside that stadium was palpable. You could cut through it with one of the shanks that I'm sure 80% of fans somehow snuck past security. The Raiders booted the winning field goal in OT to beat the Chiefs 23-20, I've actually have never been happier to get on a BART train than following that game.

Game Stats...(what we saw)

Arrests: 2
Drunk people being dragged by friends: 1
Drunk people: 60-thousand out of 65-thousand fans
Skeleton Masks: 100 (under estimate)
Skeletor (the evil character from He-man): 2
Family friendly "Fuck K-C" chants: 5
Entertainment value > $30 < The life of my future children.

One GIANT Parade

Where else on earth can you see a bearded M&M? I'm willing to bet nowhere! The Giants brought the city of San Francisco its first world baseball championship ever on Monday and on Wednesday more than a million people flooded the parade route from Montgomery and Market to the Civic Center. Manager Bruce Bochy got to ride the parade route in a convertible while hoisting the World Series trophy. While players, including Brian Wilson and The Machine got to ride in fake cable cars.

During his congratulatory speech lame duck Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger said "I thought I was the only machine as Terminator." On a side note Lt. Governor-elect Gavin Newsom actually took his seat in the mayoral drop top. The first time I've seen him in a parade since I moved to San Francisco.

Giants win! Giants win!

It almost feels like old hat to say that the 2010 San Francisco Giants are Major League Baseball World Champions even though they earned that title fewer than 12 hours ago. I got to hand it to them they won it the same way they've been winning games all season with dominant pitching and timely hits sprinkled in. Perhaps what shocked me the most about the game winning 3-run homer besides the fact that it was Edgar Renteria that hit it was how the ball carried and carried out of left field. No other home runs had been hit to left field in Arlington during the entire World Series, yet this aging, oft-injured short stop who is not exactly known for crushing the ball did with the ball something that no media proclaimed "big bopper" could do all series.

The best part about last night's win was the partying in the streets going on city-wide. Candace and I walked up to Fillmore and Haight where several bar patrons emptied out onto the streets to shout "Let's Go Giants!", they were singing, dancing and clapping. Cars on every major road were honking their horns and people spilled out of their homes to sit on their stoops and watch the action unfold. The revelers stood on the bike racks of Muni busses trying to pass through, but the driver was just as excited as some of the partiers. Someone finally cleared a path for the busses to get through. In the Mission District fans seized a fire truck where they danced and shouted. Folks in the Castro tolite papered Muni wires. Others gathered at 5th & Market then headed down to the old US Mint to celebrate on the steps. So many people gathered in and around AT&T Park that the California Highway Patrol had to shut down the highway off ramp at the end of 280. There were a few problems with rioting, but overall nothing too serious and my car is just fine!

I'm definitely planning on joining in on the Championship Parade and Celebrations at Civic Center on Wednesday. I'm very excited to see Brian Wilson's Beard in person!

RIP Spooktacular and What I've been up to

The picture above got me in the mood for Halloween. Now that I'm getting into the spirit, I feel the need to apologize to my Maine friends this year for not returning to help throw the Spooktacular. The legendary Halloween Soirre had a great multi-year run and all of the great memories that accompany such events. Some of my favorite memories from Spooktacular's past had less to do with the actual party and more to do with the preparation for the party. Late night brain storming sessions with Chris and Ben, getting the music and decorations together with Shorn, coming up with costume ideas and crazy games to play will always be among my fondest memories.

As I mentioned in my last installment, I'm trying to improve my San Francisco experience. Part of me hopes that I'm able to land a job eventually through doing this, the other part just wants to get out more often and make more friends. This past Saturday I checked out Potrero Hill History Night with one of the guys I volunteer with at KALW. I am eager to simply learn more about the city and the night included listening to interesting stories about what it was like to grow up on the iconic San Francisco hill in the 50's and 60's and about the early days of public gardening. The night was interrupted by the roar as the Giants won the NL Pennant.

On Tuesday night I checked out an event at Swissnex entitled Brain Date. My girlfriend Candace and Erica from KALW joined me for the discussion on how brain waves can be matched up to help you find your match. They even served free food and drinks after the event and let folks in the audience try out the brain date interface. I really liked the venue and the topic was quite interesting. I'm hoping to join Swissnex for future events.

The World Series starts today and I predict that the Giants will handle those pesky Rangers in 6 games and bring San Francisco a much deserved baseball championship. I guess we'll have to see.